How to mow grass

Published 10:04 pm Tuesday, September 10, 2013

July 3, 2013

Start with a summer packed with days of rain showers, add a lawn mower purchased for the benefit of exercise (i.e. a push mower) and throw in an insanely busy schedule, and what do you have?

A yard near-bout knee deep in St. Augustine is what. It’s pretty, mind you, but it sure is a lot of work.

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Lawns were a symbol of the rich and wealthy in 1800’s Europe. The more green lawn one had, the wealthier they were. Feeling no inclination to join the Mississippi aristocracy, I manicure the green monster as little as possible, just barely avoiding the need for a bush hog.

When I finally do break out the lawn mower, here’s how I do it. I wear a long-sleeve shirt with a high collar which creates my own internal air conditioning system to combat the killer heat.

Starting out at the corner of the house, I complete circles toward the outside.  The idea is to eliminate backtracking-never stop and have to turn around.

At first, it seems easy enough, but as the rotations get longer, I feel death by heat-stroke is imminent.

Taking breaks to imbibe fluids is mandatory. I enjoy having a strong pot of coffee along with a bucket of ice water. And breaks are spent outside in the heat, not under the air conditioner, which could put a stop to the whole project.

At the end of it all, I come to the realization that I’m spending a lot of time farming a commodity that I can’t eat and is therefore useless. But I have learned the real purpose of marriage… “Honey, could you mow the grass…”